"AITA For Telling My Fiancé That I’ll Wear Makeup For The Wedding If He Does" — This Bride Is Being Pressured By Her Fiancé And Mother-In-Law To Wear Makeup Even Though She Hates It (2024)

The pressure on brides to be these flawless, blushing beauties is one of the most aggravating parts of the circus that can arise around weddings. Isn't the whole point of love about appreciating a person for who they are, not what they look like? Apparently, this bride-to-be's fiancé and mother-in-law missed that memo, and people have a lot to say about it on the r/AITAH subreddit.

Reddit user u/InternationalWar1403 has been left wondering if she took it too far when she issued the ultimatum that she would only wear makeup to her wedding if her fiancé did. Here's the story:

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"I, a 26-year-old female, do not wear makeup. I experimented with it as a teen, but I hate the way it feels on my face, and I just don’t really see the point. My face is my face, and I think it’s a good one, as is."

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"My fiancé, a 26-year-old male, has never complained and has always said that I look beautiful without makeup. His mother and sisters think it’s weird, but no longer comment on it as I drew a very firm line in the sand about it early on."

"We are currently deep in wedding planning. I’ve picked out a dress and am making arrangements for a hairstylist and such for the big day. My mother-in-law said she would call a friend of hers who is a wonderful makeup artist and would probably cut us a deal. I said, 'No thanks, I wasn’t planning on makeup for the wedding,' as I never wore it. She tried to insist, saying that I would regret not wearing it when I saw the photos, but I held firm."

"I’ve seen myself in prom dresses and other fancy occasion pictures and have never wished I had worn makeup. The most I’m going to do is get a spa treatment, so my skin looks its best."

"This upset my mother-in-law, so she got my fiancé involved. He asked if I would just wear makeup for the ceremony and pictures. I told him I wanted to look at my pictures and see me."

"He said it would still be me — just 'the best version of me.' Which pissed me off, not going to lie, so I asked him if he was going to wear makeup to look like 'the best version' of himself."

"He said no, so I told him that I will make him a deal: The only way I would wear makeup is if he also wore makeup, tit for tat, in a masculine style."

"I wear lipstick, he wears lipstick. I wear foundation, he wears foundation. His can be completely neutral, but he has to wear it for the day and do the test run, and everything else the stylist wants."

"He said I was being unreasonable, even though he couldn’t come up with a reason why the pictures would look better if I wore makeup, but not him, so he stormed off. Sister-in-law sent me a text telling me I was delusional if I didn’t think I needed makeup and to suck it up for one day."

"Most of my girlfriends are on my side, and the world’s best maid-of-honor is ready to throw hands, but some people think it’s standard to wear makeup for formal occasions, and I’m being 'precious' about it. My brother thinks my conditions were 'emasculating' to my fiancé."

Note: Some of this submission was edited for length and/or clarity.

Understandably, many had a lot to say on this issue with more than 3,000 people commenting to share their thoughts on the situation. Most of the people in the comments were on the original poster's side, saying that she wasn't the asshole for her feelings on the issue, or how she articulated them.

"Not the asshole," commenter u/freerange_chicken said. "You should be 'the best version of yourself' on your wedding day. If that means no makeup to you, that is the best version of yourself. These other people can put as much makeup as they want on themselves for the day if that will make them feel better, but no one can tell you how you will feel like the best you."

"By the way, I absolutely love the 'if you wear lipstick, I will wear lipstick' compromise. If he won’t, why should you?"

Redditor u/Clammypollack made an extremely valid point about what's "normal" vs. what's "right," too: "I think people get really hung up on what the norm is for the time. It's normal for brides to get their hair done up and to have their makeup done professionally for the wedding. This doesn't make it right. It just makes it something that people expect to see, even if half the time, the hair is overdone, and the makeup makes her look like a clown."

"Stand your ground and try to get an understanding of where your fiancé is coming from. Does he really want to see the makeup on you, or is he just trying to please Mommy? Either way, there is a problem, but knowing the 'why' of it can tell you the exact nature of the problem."

Many users felt very strongly that the fiancé prioritizing the unreasonable demands of his family over the bride's wishes would set a crappy precedent for any future issues.

"f*ck the makeup. You're about to marry a dude who lets the opinions of his mother and sister affect his relationship! Why do you need to appease his mother on YOUR wedding day? Why are the demands and wishes of his mother and sister more important than yours? It is supposed to be the happiest day of your life, and you're gonna start your marriage with your fiancé taking his mother's side instead of yours. Be prepared for your opinions to be pushed aside for your future monster-in-law once you start having babies. Good luck, original poster!"

—u/_A-Q

Another user, u/elephantorgazelle, responded by sharing the difference between the misery of her first marriage — where her husband also made demands of her appearance — and her second with someone who loves her for who she is:

"My first husband wanted me pretty, shaved clean, and all that jazz. I hated it. We lasted three years. I am currently approaching 18 years with another man who reminds me I don't have to shave anything unless I want to because he loves me as I am. If he ever told me to wear makeup to be my 'best version,' I'd think he was having a stroke."

Many also felt that the groom's instinct to storm off when confronted raised major red flags.

User u/OverItButWth chimed in on how the groom should have responded to the demands of his family.

"Everything could have worked out fine had he not stormed off like a f*cking baby, but that would have been the deal-breaker for me. She gave him a great solution, and he should have laughed and said: 'You know, you're right, I'll tell my family to back off. I'm sorry about what I said. You're gorgeous as you are, free of makeup, and having it on won't make you more so.' BUT, he screwed it up showing his childishness!"

Commenter u/Frequent_Couple5498 was among many that felt it was concerning that the groom thought an artificially made-up version of the bride was her at her "best."

The bride herself went on to express that this was also a very concerning viewpoint to her and that it was ultimately enough for her to have doubts about the wedding — not to mention their entire relationship.

"I’m considering the marriage. He’s been really great up until we started planning the wedding, but I’m pretty mad about the 'best version' comment, and he has yet to apologize. I’m not very impressed with how he’s been refereeing his family since the planning started anyway, but his mom has been especially nosy and pushy, so I can understand that this is a stressful period of time."

"If he apologizes for the comment and we have a productive talk about boundaries that results in him putting his foot down with his mom and sister, it’s salvageable. If he’s not willing to do that, the wedding is off, and probably the relationship. At this point, I may be throwing a 'Whew, that was close!' gala. We’ll see..."

Note: Some comments have been edited for length and/or clarity.

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